Can I tell you how much I love Zales, inc.? Well, there are, in my mind, three things that stand out to me as key reasons for being the best corporation under the sun. Perhaps I should change my designation. It’s not that they’re the greatest company. It’s more like this… if Zales were a person, I’d want them around. Not because they’re commitment to integrity or excellence or standing by their work. Oh no. I’d want to be around Zales (the person) because it’d be like watching a train wreck at every interaction with people. Everybody wants to be friends with the time bomb, right? Here’s my short list.

#1. Zales, without a single exception, blindly apologizes for everything. If I say that I ordered a ring on the Zales website, a customer service rep tells me that it’s their fault and they promise to do all they can to make the situation right. If I say that the ring I purchased was not the ring I ordered, a rep tells me that they understand and are sorry for the inconvenience and that they’ll do whatever they can to make the situation right. This is the kind of guy you want around. I’d love to have the guy around me that before any other words were out of his mouth, “I’m sorry” was first. ESPECIALLY if he made promises that in no way whatsoever could he possibly begin to fulfill.

#2. Zales has the amazing talent…. nay, super-power of being able to give customers wrong items when purchased. You order a blue necklace. You receive a blue watch. You order a gold chain. You receive a gold pin. You order a size 7. You receive a size 6. I would love to see a person do this in the real world. You ask that guy for a high five and he kicks you in the nuts. Priceless.

#3. Zales has a way of forgetting things. Not just normal things like first names and social security numbers, either. Things like what items you’ve requested, received incorrectly and returned. Things like refunding your hard-earned cash. I love the thought of having that guy around when it comes time to pay for a meal out. The waitress brings the bill, then that guy forgets that he’s even had anything to eat & doesn’t pay. I want to see that play out.

All that to say this… Zales might be the coolest guy to be entertained by. I know I’d enjoy watching him do terrible things to his world. But Zales corporation…. not as much. I don’t want to say that I’d never deal with Zales, inc. again, but it would take a very, very good reason for me to. EVER. All of THAT to say this… Zales sucks and I’m pretty sure their employees don’t have souls. I’ve checked.