I’ve had a few weeks to think since I last made a list of things I dislike. And I think it’s time again. I don’t write this with a bad attitude. I actually had a really good day, have had no seriously bad experiences today, and am in a totally good mood. All that to say… I’m fine, and there’s no need to call my mom. Without wasting more time than necessary, here’s some stuff I don’t really like.
1. Semi-truck drivers that feel they own the road. I know several truckers, and I know they’re good people. But the truckers I know are people with both integrity and conscience. Sadly, the truckers that I commute with (not by my choice) have neither of these two traits. Cutting off 13 cars so that a semi can go 1/2 mph faster than the truck in front of it is really less of a bad driving thing and more of a self-centered thing… Well, it’s gotta be either that or a lack of conscience. I also don’t like when they drift into both lanes. Not safe, and really… not cool.
2. Telemarketing companies blatantly lying as to why they’re calling. I don’t fall for the crap they say, but I’d be willing to bet that my feeble grandmother would. When a telemarketer calls me to tell me that the warranty on my car is about to end, I always get mad. And then I get productive*. Here’s just a tip… when you get this call (it’s coming, just wait for it), be sure to ask for a specialist, which is option #1. When someone comes to the phone, tell them you’re interested in their product, but you need to make sure it’s legitimate so you need their supervisor. Once you get a supervisor, ask for their supervisor. When you get THAT supervisor on the phone, ask for their direct line. Once you have their phone number, just call it a few hundred times during the day and leave messages. Doesn’t matter what the messages are… could be your shopping list, could be the novelty license plate number of the car in front of you that you don’t understand. Whatever you choose to say on their answering machine will be fine, I’m sure, because you’re creative. Just for fun, here’s the number of the supervisor I’ve been leaving messages for… (506) 222-7491. Ask for Mrs. Potter. I’ll call and let her know you’ll be calling. PS, I have a really strong feeling that these people have no souls, so you should treat them as such.
3. The office moron shouldn’t give inter-personal advice to coworkers. The dumb guy is NOT the guy that should be telling me how to act around individuals. If I were to get a bit of advice from the boss or from a trusted and productive member of staff, I’d absolutely accept it as constructive and helpful. But when the village idiot tells me that I shouldn’t laugh when so-and-so says things, I get an anger that can only be described as a facial expression that, ironically, cannot be described with words. But due to the magic of technology, here’s what that face would most-likely look like…
4. Allergies. I had never dealt with allergies until this year. If you’ve got them, you already know the tragedy. If you don’t have them, let me briefly describe the situation for you. Having an allergy (at least, an allergy to pollen or dander or whatever the crap is in the air) is like swallowing a raw egg**… then trying to throw that raw egg up through your nose, then leaving it in that flappy part of your throat for 6 weeks. Oh, and your eyes itch like you’ve been using chlorine flavored eye-drops for days. And your nose turns ‘bozo-the-clown’ red.
5. Being recognized in places you don’t want to be recognized. Sometimes when you are in the public eye (even the tiny little Jack-tucky public eye), people recognize you in public. And sometimes, people recognize you when you’re late for work and the cup of coffee you ordered hasn’t been poured after ten minutes. And the moment you say something to the brain-trust that is the morning shift McFastfood counter person, somebody next to you in line says that they love what you do. I’m thinking about getting a fake beard.
6. Cancer. Nobody likes cancer, I’m sure, but it seems like it’s been getting slightly personal lately. I’ve given cancer the mental middle finger lately more than ever before, and I think cancer may be reading my thoughts, because it seems to have done nothing but get worse. Dumb cancer. I seriously hope it dies.
So that’s it. There’s some stuff I don’t like. What do you not like? I’d love to hear about it.
* Productive… it’s what happens after I get mad. We’re not talking pro-creative. We’re talking about making things happen with brute force or scary intensity… with or without green skin and ripped clothing.
** not just any egg… an ostrich egg (146 oz).